Category: Front Page

Homer at the Bat

Homer at the Bat

My Recollection.

Raphael was right, you do gotta know what a crumpet is to understand cricket. Crumpets are an odd breakfast toastable. They look like warts, they feel like warts, and, due to a lack of data, I’m going to assume they actually taste like warts. Just warts you’ve drizzled warm honey onto, which is why, due to a lack of data, I’m going to assume they were invented by a British private school principal whom people avoid talking about. 

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TV Recommendations for the Newly Shut-In

TV Recommendations for the Newly Shut-In

I’ve Been Training for this My Whole Life.

There are two types of introverts: introverts, and losers pretending to have some control over their lives. I’ve been both, which is why I’m perfectly prepared to both cope with social isolation and to help you do it too. As the world is forced to spend time in its own company, people are slowly realising that they’ve never been happy, fulfilled, or in love, just busy. This is a grim realisation, a psychological forty days in the desert that will test and find wanting most who are stupid or unlucky enough to venture into it. Fortunately, you don’t need to, because there exists a readymade distraction: Television.

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