Author: Gabriel

A slapdash attempt at the slipshod
When Flanders Failed

When Flanders Failed

My Recollection

Left-handed pinking shears. That didn’t hurt very much. Ooowaaah.

It was when they all dropped to their knees and began hammering the riff to We Will Rock You into the PCYC floor, while a buzzcut coach shouted at them about tomorrow’s tournament, that I knew I’d been lied to about stereotypes.

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Living Arrangements

Living Arrangements

Housemates, can’t live with ’em and casual labour laws that favour business interests means you can’t live without ’em. Back in the day, I lived in a big one in the Valley with a rotating ensemble cast of about 7-8 other people and innumerable guests. It was a vile flop-house full of degenerates and one of my fondest memories. That said, living with that many other people has its challenges, and these challenges eventually caused me to snap. What I wrote came from a specific time and place in my life, but is applicable to any time and place where directionless adults cluster for warmth.

I wrote this in 2012 when my recent sobriety meant I could suddenly smell everything. It will apply to people you know. It will apply to places you’ve lived. It may even apply to you. It is

An Open Letter to Housemates

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Kangaroo Chilli

Kangaroo Chilli

The kangaroo is a bouncing rat monster whose whole goal in a fight is to rip your testicles off. They’re the second most dangerous Normal Type Australian animal you can encounter, coming second only to a combination between a feather duster and a velociraptor. You can eat that too, but today we’re making chilli out of an animal so badass only Ice-T has ever successfully portrayed one.

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AEW Double or Nothing Pre Show: Part 2

AEW Double or Nothing Pre Show: Part 2

Backstage

A girl who presents like Bayley on meth is backstage saying things. Apparently, she was like this first, which is a bit of a bummer as, first or not, the work is on her to demonstrate difference from her more famous comparison. I have yet to see “Girl who is happy” be a character with much depth if she is always happy. Bayley would frequently get serious, mad, etcetera, and this was much needed variety. But Smiley Kiley Ray gets all of a few seconds so I won’t hold anything against her yet.

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